


'Tis the Damn Season

by ScribblesInTheMargins



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Banquet, Pre-Hasetsu, Song Lyrics, Victor doesn't know that, Yuuri doesn't remember, soft angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28300959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribblesInTheMargins/pseuds/ScribblesInTheMargins
Summary: Merry Christmas Eiua, my gift to you is 1st person POV Victuuri set to a Taylor Swift song ('Tis the Damn Season). I hope you like this.This is set between the banquet that Yuuri doesn't remember (Victor very much does) and when Yuuri makes the video.  So Victor doesn't know that Yuuri doesn't remember.Both Russia & Japan's Nationals happen about the same time near December 25th which is also Victor's birthday.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19
Collections: 18OI Secret Santa Holiday E-card Exchange 2020





	'Tis the Damn Season

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eiua](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eiua/gifts).



**Yuuri Katsuki**

_If I wanted to know_

_Who you were hanging with_

_While I was gone, I would've asked you_

The Grand Prix Final had been a disaster. I mean it -- a disaster. Threatened by a fourteen-year-old. Vicchan … the skating. I hadn't wanted to go to the banquet. It had been torture. Victor had been there -- of course, he had been there. I hadn't had the courage to speak to him. Why would he want to talk to me though? I had bombed. I had bombed bad enough that people thought I was injured, or ill … maybe worse. Honestly, people who had skated with fevers on cold meds had screwed up less than I had. Victor did not want to talk to me. Even as I downed champagne, I knew exactly where he was, and there was no way I was walking over there.

_It's the kind of cold_

_Fogs up windshield glass_

_But I felt it when I passed you_

Victor had been surrounded by people that night. A gaggle of other skaters and important people were basking in his company. Christophe Giacommetti hung from him. Some woman from the Russian team kept touching his shoulder. Even the other Yuri -- the one that hadn't screwed up -- was right there. I wasn't there. I wasn't in that light. I wasn't there warmed by that smile. I couldn't even hear what Victor was saying from where I was. I had walked past him to get into the banquet. He had paused to take some pictures with some staff -- commemorative photos I am sure. They were just like the commemorative photo he had offered me, a person he would not even remember the name of.

_There's an ache in you_

_Put there by the ache in me_

_But if it's all the same to you_

_It's the same to me_

I'd watched him for so long. Ever since I was little, my entire world had rotated around him. Magazines, posters, videos -- everything I could have that showed his image or quoted his words was horded like the most precious of treasure. I didn't know him though. Some days I imagined I did. Some days I believed that I knew the smile he wore was fake. Some days I thought I knew when it had changed from real to a publicity opportunity. It was probably just my wishful thinking … unless it wasn't. Unless I was right. I don't know, it's probably just me projecting. In my dreams though ...

_So we could call it even_

_You could call me "babe" for the weekend_

In my dreams, in an empty hotel room, my head splitting with a hangover, I wish. I wish so hard. Wishing doesn't change that he didn't even look at me. I'll be on a plane soon back to Japan. Nationals are soon, and even if I am a complete failure as a skater, I still need to be there. I can't fail even more than I already have.

_'Tis the damn season, write this down_

_I'm staying at my parents' house_

_And the road not taken looks real good now_

_And it always leads to you and my hometown_

Nationals are over Christmas. Every advertisement. Everything about Christmas in Japan only reminds me I am alone, that he never looked at me, not as anything more than some fan who wanted a photo. I was so stupid to think we ever had a chance, to think there was ever a we. There was never a 'we'. Maybe if I had made different choices. Maybe if I had been a different person. Alone in my hotel room, he doesn't think of me. I know that. Life doesn't always work out like a Hallmark movie. With the city full of couples and beautiful lights, 'tis the damn season.

* * *

**Victor Nikiforov**

_The holidays linger like bad perfume_

_You can run but only so far_

_I escaped it too_

_Remember how you watched me leave_

_But if it's okay with you_

_It's okay with me_

Russian Nationals are over my birthday. There is always a party. Some hotel banquet room has been decorated. There is a tree and lights, all in preparation for celebrating the new year. Happy birthday to me. The snow is falling outside, but that doesn't matter tonight. Tonight I will wander around 'friends', but none of them know how empty I feel. I'm just going through the motions, but I've been going through the motions for so long that maybe that is just my life. I smile at the cake, taking pictures with everyone and thanking people for the kind gifts. I'll open them all later. Back at the skate club one of the assistants will help me keep track of who gave what so I get the thank you cards sent out. It is what is expected.

_We could call it even_

_You could call me "babe" for the weekend_

I don't want to be in this crowded room. Outside is what matches my mood. I had expected him to call. I had expected him to reach out. Yuuri Katsuki. Just thinking about him changed my smile. Instead of my photo perfect look, my eyes crinkled a little in the corners. I didn't think anyone caught it in photos. I didn't want to deal with comments about looking older. I remember the night of the banquet. For just one night, everything had seemed possible for me. I had thought, maybe I could be loved. When his coach finally led him out, I smiled, hopeful of a future, maybe our future. It didn't happen though. He didn't call.

_'Tis the damn season, write this down_

_I'm staying at my parents' house_

_And the road not taken looks real good now_

As I watch everyone at the party enjoying themselves, I slip out. I'll be getting on a plane. My mother will be happy to see me for New Years, but it won't be the same. I daydream that I could jump onto a plane and fly to Japan. I could surprise him. I love surprising people, but I don't want to surprise just anyone. I want to surprise Yuuri. I want to make his face light up. I want to make him happy. I want him to look at me like I'm Victor ... not like I am World Champion Victor Nikiforov. It doesn't happen though. Instead I lose myself in the crowds and the holiday lights. With a hat and a scarf I blend it, just another person walking along the streets of Moscow as the holiday lights cast a sparkling glow over everything -- alone.

_And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking_

_And the heart I know I'm breaking is my own_

I can't stop thinking of him. I wish I would change my flight. I can't. No, I won't. Maybe if I was more brave. Maybe if I wasn't so used to feeling like this. Maybe if I hadn't been eaten by this emptiness, this emptiness that didn't hurt this much before I had felt what it was like to be with him, to be seen by him. I never used to believe in love at first sight. Now I believe in heartbreak after a night.

We could call it even

Even though I'm leaving

And I'll be yours for the weekend

'Tis the damn season

As I walk, I wish and daydream about flying to him. How it would be when I see his smile as I walk into the venue for Japan's Nationals. How I'd only have eyes for him. How I'd only be there for him. I don't. Instead, I pause to watch couples skate under the lights on an outdoor rink. I wish I was brave enough to give everything up for one of those couples to be us -- but I'm not. He never called. 'Tis the damn season.


End file.
